In the past, feelings ruled my life. If anyone displayed an emotion, I quickly absorbed it as my own. Once triggered, I found it difficult to let go of anger and fear. Then, as if this were not enough, I piled my feelings on top of each other and muddled them together until I felt insane.
Working the Steps with a Sponsor has made a difference. She said something shocking—“Feelings are not real.” With this new perspective, I can observe other people’s emotions without them sucking me in. When I accept that feelings are not real, it is easier to say hello and goodbye to my feelings without clinging to them.
Once I started working the Steps with a Sponsor, I had fewer emotional meltdowns, fewer nightmares and fewer panic attacks. My recovery is a matter of working my program fearlessly. My focus has changed. I don’t want to feel better. I work to be better.