Step Three
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Please share your experience, strength, and hope as it relates to Step 3. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Member sharing on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
The grace of good orderly direction does for me what I cannot do for myself. This grace floods my life doing things for me and through me. This grace, this good orderly direction, uses me in the lives of other people and sees that there is time for everything I need to do. When my life appears to overwhelm me, I surrender my will and lean into, embrace, draw on, this grace of good orderly direction and open myself to patience and trust. I do what I can. I keep it simple. I let go of my anxieties. I do… Read more »
I found that the word “decision” had huge meaning for me. I had to do something and sometimes moment by moment, a day at a time. I have to make a decision and recommit to that, as sometimes I forget that I am not in charge of changing people, places, and things including my own life. My Higher Power does that. I have to be willing and cooperative so that can happen while realizing that I am human and will make mistakes. “Progress Not Perfection” for sure. I really appreciate this program; it has helped me in so many ways.… Read more »
The thought of turning my life and my will over to anyone was a foreign concept to me before coming to Al-Anon. I was raised with constant criticism causing me to never develop self-confidence. I had no voice. I was directed, talked down to, called stupid, lazy, and good for nothing. This was by people who were supposed to love and care for me. The God they told me about also hated me according to them, and would punish me whenever I was bad. In their eyes, I was constantly bad. I was always scared and lonely. When I was… Read more »
Step Three remains my favorite one and my go to when false pride, self-righteousness and arrogance started to show their ugly heads. I say this because Step Three brings me to “God as I understood Him”, this bringing me to a closeness to Him, which normally brings me back to my good sense. When I humbly see Him, as I understand Him, I can more easily turn my will and my life to his care, which eliminates the three defects mentioned above. This part of Step Three “as I understood Him” is what kept me in the program. It simplified… Read more »
Step Three was a stumbling block for me early in my 34 years in weekly Al-Anon meetings. In year 13, having learned to live in peace with an alcoholic spouse, my adult daughter came home pregnant, jobless, and short of a college degree by 6 semester hours. My husband was delighted to open our home to her with the promise she could live with us forever, I was deeply disappointed by her “failures” and extremely resentful of her taking over of our new dream home we were building for our retirement years as a couple. I came to meetings with… Read more »
What I have been taught is that will power, “never giving up, never giving in,” is the essence of success. “Go down fighting!”, might have been the mantra of my life. Then I realized that much of the emotional immature decisions of my life arose from these beliefs. When faced with death, there is the option of accepting it graciously. I have seen it. When faced with injustice, there can be many choices of action besides physical or emotionally draining opposition. There is often the opportunity to look for support in difficult circumstances instead of waging a solo battle royale.… Read more »
Experience, Strength, and Hope. That’s what Step 3 is to me today. I hope to continue to grow through a lifelong surrender to a Higher Power that changes as I grow. The problem, for me with Step 3, is the will spoken about. As a logophile, I found that the word will is clearly about “deliberate exertion to do something or restrain one’s own impulses”. To give that power to another entity? Ha! Not in this lifetime I say to myself at times. At others, I’m begging to be helped. The experience I’ve had when I do surrender is smooth… Read more »
The Steps help me look at my day realistically. They help me realize my part in daily challenges. The Third Step allows me to turn my will over to the God of my understanding. Over the years my understanding has changed. I was not raised in an organized religion but I always connected to Mother Nature. Thus, my Higher Power stands for Her Presence or Her Presents. Life, growth, and renewal are the only proof I need of a Power greater than myself. By turning my will over to my Higher Power, I am guided and stay balanced on the… Read more »
I have decided that my HP is whatever brings me back to presence and hope… for now, that starts with my breath, and being able to believe that everything will be okay, whether I feel anxiety and regret, or not. If I can hand those shortcomings over to the care of the god of my understanding, accept uncertainty, and trust that my HP will help me know how to respond to whatever comes, I will no longer need to have all the bases covered, to feel worthy of serenity (peace and safety).
Step Three was and is still my favorite Step. When I came to Al-Anon, I had lost faith in God and I was not disposed to get back to any beliefs in relation with Him. However, the words “as we understood Him” was what opened my mind to the possibility that I could believe and trust God. I appreciated the fact that I could have my own understanding of Him, thus creating an image that would make Him accessible. I heard one member say, “I knew of God, but I didn’t know Him”. This made sense to me. I indeed… Read more »
When you realize you have no control over anything or anyone else Step Three is needed. Saying you turn your will over to God of your understanding is one thing, doing it is another thing. It takes practice and commitment. I realized part of this Step is acceptance. Accepting the situation, accepting people for who they are, and accepting I cannot control it. I’ve also learned to look for the blessing in the troubles. Once I get out of my own head, I can find the blessings. The blessings I found are a closer relationship with my Higher Power; focus… Read more »
Turning my will and my life over to God is definitely something that must be practiced (and with [the alcoholic], I’ve gotten a lot of practice). As I practice my trust, I am reminded that He loves [the alcoholic] even more than I do. Each day, I try to see the ways in which God is working in [the alcoholic’s] life, as well as my own. I am the mother of [the alcoholic] and the thought of potentially losing her to addiction is honestly too much to bear, as it is always a possibility. So, when I’m feeling that anxiety… Read more »
Step Three is my favorite and it has been from the beginning. When I read “as we understood Him” this drew my attention. When I came to the program I was not spiritually inclined. In all truth, I was mad at God and had great doubts that He even existed. Needless to say, I was far from being ready to turn my will and my life over to Him. I knew of God for all I had been told about Him in my childhood, but I really didn’t know Him and I didn’t trust Him either. That was that!!! As… Read more »
I think I really had to hit rock bottom before I could turn my will and my life over to God. But the day I did was the best day of my life. I was suffering tremendously; not sure if my life was worth continuing, to be honest. I sat in my car one morning ready to face another workday with my mind filled with what was going on at home. The out of control drinking, the fear that he would be dead when I returned home. The fear of returning home. I said out loud, “God, please help me.… Read more »
I think it can be hard if someone cannot understand the idea of turning it over. For me the thought of turning anything over was terrifying. As an all or nothing person it took some time for me to understand what Step 3 meant. There are days where I have to practice this step on a minute to minute basis and give myself a BREAK for being human. The fact that I am even willing to is such a gift. I can hold onto a piece of coal and mine it down to dust!!!!!!!
Why is this so hard? For years, I thought God was one of my parents, my husband, my boss or another human. Or God was my job, my body, my intellect or another attribute of my will. None of those are God. They are people who suffer as I do, or aspects of my own being, which is also not God. Recently, I turned my will and my life over to my job and my workplace, and this has gotten me sick and nearly disabled. So where do I go now? I struggle, but there is no place else to… Read more »
For me, the stress was coming from the decision I was wanting to make to leave my loved one to their own decisions and not clean up the messes anymore. What a relief (!) when Al-Anon said that was exactly what I should do!! Certainly, all had to watch dumbfounded for the next 4 years, but my life got so much better and I’m free from doing what others need to do for themselves. It was going to be horrible either way, but I saved myself. ‘One out of two ain’t bad’.
I just read a great reading in From Survival to Recovery about turning things over to a Higher Power. The story shared that the person had difficulty turning things over until they became a major problem. And then even after finally sharing their problem, not trusting a Higher Power with the rest of their life. I related to this because when I came into program I held tightly to everything until I just couldn’t stand it anymore and then I would surrender whatever the huge problem was to my HIgher Power. And things would turn out okay, may-be not as… Read more »
A friend in Al-Anon pointed out to me when I was new, “You turned your will and life over to the care of your alcoholic on (at least) a daily basis, look where it has gotten you – in al-anon with debilitating migraines, sick days off work, full of anxiety, isolating from friends and family, episodes of depression, etc. etc. She said, “Why don’t you TRY to turn your will and life over to the CARE OF a power that is greater than you, that only has your betterment in mind? Are you willing to try that?” She pointed out… Read more »
When I finally cried out to God saying please help me, I can’t do this alone, I understood the purpose of step 3. I was in desperate need of someone, something, to take over or I felt I was going to die; wanted to die. I thank God every day for answering me that day. I now trust God in everything I do and everything I go through. I understand that difficult times are opportunities for me to learn and grow. They are not a punishment nor meant to destroy me. Nowadays there are more good times than bad and… Read more »