My husband’s alcoholism really began to escalate after his mother died. One night after coming home from the neighbors, he was having such a hard time walking that even standing was difficult. There he was, bent over holding on to the doorway. As he looked up at me, I was overwhelmed with what I saw in his eyes. I saw a heartbreaking mix of hurt, confusion, and fear. He looked completely lost, as if he’d wandered into a world he didn’t understand.
I hadn’t seen much, if any emotion, in his eyes while he was drinking. But then, in that single, devastating moment, I saw the full extent of his suffering. The disease’s brutality was laid bare, transforming the man I loved. In his eyes, I witnessed both my husband’s presence and the relentless grip of alcoholism, a grip I believe he desperately wanted to break.
That moment of understanding, when I truly separated the disease from the person, was a turning point for me. I was flooded with compassion. After that moment, I worked very hard to detach with love. Up until then, I practiced detachment, but I must admit that a lot of my detachment had occurred with indifference. I had become somewhat numb to the drinking and the chaos it had caused. I became kinder and more considerate. I began to treat him with the same dignity and respect I’d learned from Al-Anon meetings. This shift in my attitude and behavior helped me support my husband’s journey to sobriety.
By Beth K.
The Forum, August 2025
Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA.
It’s very hard to see the alcoholic suffer after a big booze binge. I remember my husband drinking a 26 ouncer of raw rum, provided to him as a Christmas gift. It’s absolutely the worse thing you can give to the alcoholic. It’s enabling (my sister was a closet drinker herself). I don’t think that she meant any harm, she had listened to me telling her horror stories about what happened to him when he over drank, especially rum, a whole bottle of it. He was strictly a beer drinker, but I guess the temptation was just too much for… Read more »
I am heartened to read this sharing; it is very important for us to realize exactly how much our alcoholic loved one suffers from the disease of alcoholism – not just the outward sign of drinking. I felt that this person is growing in compassion, and that is what we can bring to our loved one.
Thank you…wonderful share❣️
I can relate to this sharing, the only difference it was my son. I could see how his disease totally enveloped his life. I could see the misery and anguish as he sat on the edge of his bed one morning after a night of drinking. As a mother, it tore out my heart and at the same time I knew that he had to want help. I had to detach with love and let his Higher Power do for him what I couldn’t. After several attempts at sobriety, he got sober at age 21 through the help of AA… Read more »